To be near the man I loved, I moved an hour and a half from my home and rented a place in a nice trailer park closer to his home. There were no inside pets allowed so for six months I was there living one day at a time...so lonely without even Cinnamon, my little chihuahua as company.
My man and I saw each other when we could but it was not nearly enough. Atleast we text each other every day I would tell myself; I atleast had that to look forward to.
When my mother was diagnosed with alzheimers, I quickly moved back home to take care of her when my sister and I realized she had been overdosing herself on some of her meds. Since my mother could no longer drive her car, I started using it to doordash in. My car was a much older car, so it only made sense to drive hers. I had to do something to supplement my disability income.
Since my sister had recently remarried, it was up to me to stay with moma and then we had sitters coming to the house to take care of her too. My father had left my mother with enough money that she could be cared for without sending her to a nursing home. This is something my sister and I have been so thankful for. Closer to the end of her life, I am the one she forgot. It was difficult listening to my mother talk to my sister like I was a stranger. It hurt my heart so much but I did understand this illness is that way. You really never know what a person will remember or what they will forget.
A few months before my mother's death, I had to take a break. The exhaustion of having a sick parent was taking its toll on me. I went on a weeks vacation up the east coast and over to the Smokey Mountains telling myself the whole time I don't think I am going back. It was just what I needed to get my mind off of what was going on at home; if only for a short time.
A few months after my mother passed away I was working past dark. I was involved in a head on collision. I was so exhausted and failed to yield right of way to another car. All of us were sent to the hospital, but all of us were released. It totalled my mother's car. It was quite a jolt to my body but what a miracle from God that we all walked away from this terrible crash. This put an end to my working after dark. I had already sold my old clunker so I had to buy another car.
I purchased a 2019 Toyota Corolla. I loved it! It may not have been brand new but new enough to have a car payment I really could not afford.
I did not really realize it at the time but my relationship was much more of a one -sided relationship. I was the one putting in most of the effort. I was the one doing the chasing.
I had found land for sale in close proximity to his home and purchased it in hopes of us living there one day; a future as husband and wife. I guess I thought I could make all this happen. Every day I dreamed of the day when he and I would live together on our land. We talked alot about how wonderful it would be; however, red flags were flying big time.
The land was beautiful but also landlocked with a 30 foot easement to the property. The more I tried to move ahead with getting the land ready and some kind of gravel road fixed, the further away it seemed to be. Nothing was working out. From the beginning, even before I rented for those few months, my boyfriend was trying his best to talk me out of moving away from my family. At the same time, I was very confused with the way he was showing excitement with the idea of us being together. This was just crazy...
Once I had to move back home to take care of moma, it definitely hurt the relationship; I just did not know for a while what the distance had done. Unbeknownst to me, he had moved on to other relationships.
Seeing other people but keeping me hanging.
Losing my mother was very hard but we knew it was coming...
The loss of my father years before, was much much harder for me. It caught all of us completely off guard. In September of 2002, my husband and I went on a short vacation to Branson, Missouri. On the trip home, we found out my daddy had had a massive stroke. That was a terribly sad ride to the hospital. He had already been put on life support.
My daddy had never been sick a day in his life. He had a little problem with high blood pressure that they had just started medicating him for, but nothing really serious.
We had to make the difficult decision to take him off life support; he showed no brain activity, he was gone. He passed away on September 6, 2002. My heart absolutely refused to accept it. This had shattered my heart into a million tiny pieces. It seemed like my whole world was crumbling. It took me four years of grieving to try and process the loss. He and I had been so close.
Thinking back to my problems on the property while still married, I realized I probably opened the door to the evil I started experiencing. I looked for answers to why my daddy left us so soon. I could not wrap my head around losing him at just 70 years old. I think a person automatically assumes they will have their parents for atleast 80 years or a little longer.
Having kind of a background interest in supernatural stuff, I decided one night after the house was quiet that I would carry on a seance in my office. I lit a white candle thinking this would protect me at the time...it didn't! I left a recorder with a microphone set up running that night. When I replayed it the next day it sounded just like daddy's voice on the recorder. I was convinced it was him. It was not!! Satan is a liar.
This happened before I received the gift of salvation. I had left myself open and very vulnerable. This is probably why I fight spiritual attacks so strongly to this day. People who dabble with this stuff are unknowingly inviting evil in. Especially things such as ouji boards. I so want people to understand this; how very dangerous it truly is.
I do apologize to you all for how much I jump around in the telling of things. I do not want to miss telling you anything I feel is an important part of what I went through in my past. It is just impossible for me to remember things and tell them in chronological order...so I am very sorry about that.
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