"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 13

You can imagine how for me, it became harder and harder to make a break from him.  We had the most awesome time together and we never argued about anything.  I started asking if he loved me because he never said it.  I never received any sweet compliments from him.  Those type things really were huge red flags.  I ignored it all.

After a while, I started asking him what a woman would expect to hear..."Do you think I'm pretty?"  that sort of questioning.

I was yearning for his attention. I was not getting what I needed at all.

Then as time went on he would say things that should have put an end to this relationship;  not really what he would say as much as the way he said it.  I would fight back tears and go on.  As time progressed I noticed little things like the missing heart emojis from our text messages.  He was backing away from me on purpose.  I just did not want to believe it, so I chose not to.

The day came when I asked him directly about there being someone else.  He lied and said no. I was shocked at myself but I raised my voice at him and said "You are lying!"  He went silent and I told him we could not see each other anymore.  Finally, I was starting to stand up for myself.

I told him at first we could continue talking but then I changed my mind and said no, we cannot keep texting either.  He said he wanted to atleast be friends, but I said no, so the relationship ended very quickly.  I would not have ever stopped talking to him on my own accord. That final decision had to be God working in our lives. God knew we both needed to heal.  I spent the next several months crying so hard.  I was in a deep depression.  I knew I had made the right decision, finally, but I felt so lost without him;  part of me was missing.

I have never stopped loving him.  I love him still to this day.  It's been almost three years.  I have not dated anyone else.  He is still the only one I want.

Without a doubt God separated us so we could become better people.  I know deep within my heart that we will reunite in God's timing.

He and I both had childhood trauma to heal.  We both had gone through some very difficult things in our childhood.  He is the one God sent for me.  I am the one God sent for him.  We are a perfect match.  We just had unresolved pain inside ourselves.  I was unable to move on to another man, another relationship.  He tried his best to forget me through one relationship after another.  It never worked out.  He has been unable to truly move on either.  We both are painfully aware of how much we love one another.

He has gone through a divorce since I've seen him.  He had been married 30 years and  many of those years were so unhappy.  When we were still together, I would tell him to please do something to make himself happy.  People are not meant to stay in an unhappy marriage.  I truly believe that.

Today I know more about why people are in unhappy situations.

Relationships are God's way of teaching us by learning and growing.  As I have grown in my spirituality, I have learned that we ourselves choose what we will learn in an incarnation.  Yes, we live many lifetimes.  And also whatever is not learned in one lifetime, you are destined to repeat within the next until you have mastered it.

Now I understand why I always felt off when in a formal church service.  There will be alot of you who do not understand my words or agree with me but I promise you with time, probably within this next year,  you will.

We have all been brought up in a certain way for hundreds if not thousands of years believing in lies; some half truths and alot of total lies; so much truth hidden from us.