"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 38

Sometimes we feel stuck as though nothing is working in our lives.  But there is so much more that is constantly going on behind the scenes.  We question whether we are heading in the right direction.  We all have the feeling at times that we are stuck in a loop of doubt, we are moving but going no where.

It really is just being human. It's confusing and you feel you don't know what you're doing.  In the future, you will look back and know you were one who kept going even though you weren't sure why.   Well, you may feel you're not liking yourself much right now for one reason or another, but I will tell you this...

You still are putting down the foundation for everything that is to come.

Sometimes life just does not go as we planned for it to.  No matter what, do not ever give up on yourself.

Things will fall into place as they are meant to, within God's timing, not our timing.  There is no such thing as a coincidence.   You might feel lost and afraid when things do not go according to the way you mapped your life out; you are being taken in a  totally different direction.  Go with the flow.  Even though a change might be completely unexpected, it does not mean it will not lead you exactly where you need to be and guide you to the most wonderful turn of events in your life.  Our Heavenly Father knows alot better than we do what is best and for our greatest good.

Some love is meant to teach us lessons we came in to this world to learn.  In that respect, some relationships are meant for only a season where others are meant for a lifetime.  The same goes for places of employment and even a place we think of as home. I hope this makes the loss of people, a job we enjoy or even a home in our lives more understandable.  Every single thing that takes place in our lives was meant to occur and occur in the exact way it did.  Most of the time, it is because the lesson has been learned and it is your time to move on to the next lesson that was set before you ever came here. The same holds true for a person's appointed time of death.  At the time a person leaves this earthly plane, they have finalized all their lessons to  be completed within this lifetime.   As a reminder, Earth is actually a universal school; a place of learning.  Things will eventually make so much more sense to you when you start to understand this.

Some of life's best teachers are heartbreak, having no money and failing at something.  

Trust that what is meant for you will come.  Don't expect or assume things.

Start looking at people in your life as though each one has been sent to you to teach you something.  It will help in your understanding of how the world truly works.  It also will help keep you stronger in your faith.  People in your life are not necessarily meant to stick around.  Everything in our lives happens when and how it is meant to; down to the last detail.

No more of a truth has ever been spoken.

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 37

I have been thinking about how hard it is to lose someone you love.  When my daddy passed away, it was a shock to me.  I never dreamed I would lose him at only 70 years old.  You expect to have your parents until they are atleast up into their 80's and hopefully longer.  

My husband and I had gone on a vacation to Branson, Missouri.

We did not call to check on things until almost home.  When we called home and talked to my stepdaughter she gave us some  bad news about daddy.  It turned my world completely upside down.  My daddy had had a massive stroke.  We were nearer the hospital where they had taken him than we were to our home, so we kept driving on to the hospital where he was.  Still hanging on to hope that it possibly was not as bad as it sounded, It broke my heart in two when I saw that he had been placed on life support.  

We all took our turn in talking to him.  I let him know that I was there and that I loved him.  I felt strongly that he knew when we got there, but I really didn't know why. We all as a family had to make the difficult decision to remove him from life support. 

 It just never felt real to me.  

The day before we left on our trip, my mother and daddy came by the hospital to visit with me during lunch.  I was working in medical records at the time.

As I think back now to that day, I remember some things about the way daddy looked.  He was so swollen in his face, he did not even appear to have a neck.

Also, his coloring was terrible.  He looked grey is the best way I know how to describe it. His face did not have much color at all.  When they left from their visit, he also was limping or giving to one leg.  

About ten days later we were having his funeral.  That day, I convinced myself, it was someone else.  This was not my daddy lying in that casket, because he looked nothing like himself.  It just had to be someone else.

After all started calming down after his burial, It took me  several months before I would go back to the cemetery.  I probably wouldn't have gone back as soon as I did if not for a simple message that found me as I was driving past the cemetery on my way somewhere else.  Just as I reached the driveway to the cemetery, a school bus was fixing to let a child off at his home directly across from that driveway.  Out popped the warning sign, STOP!

I stopped, knowing that was also a message from the Lord for me to go visit the cemetery.  Since that time I could always feel subtle messages from above that were meant for me even though they would not have been clear to anyone else.  

I drove into the cemetery and parked my car.  I walked to my daddy's gravesite and just stood  there feeling so very lost; so sad.

The tears came for the first time since the funeral.  I just couldn't before.  I had buried my pain so deeply inside.  I cried and cried and cried that day.  From that time, I started truly healing.  I found myself able to let out all my anguish.  There were two times I remember having good cries and lying face down on my bed. I was just so distraught.  Both times when this occurred, our home phone sitting on the bedside table close to me, rang, but when I answered there was no one on the line.

In the office, where I worked, we were not allowed to wear perfume of any kind because of so many of the girls having allergic reactions to it.  So one day, when I was sitting at my desk, I smelled this really powdery fresh scent float across my nose.   It actually made me sneeze. I was confused.  Someone had to be wearing something that was tickling my nose.  I got up from my desk and checked all through the office for who it was...nothing.  There was not another soul in that office but me.

The next morning before I ever opened my eyes, I had the same thing happen again, only it felt like an actual feather touching me under the nose; the same fresh scent.  I was just sure when I opened my eyes someone would be standing there at my bedside but there was no one.  I come to realize that all these things happening were messages that everything was going to be alright.

Because of the fresh scent I could smell when these happenings occurred,  I  came to know that it was an angel that was visiting me to let me know that daddy was in a wonderful place and he was okay.

I realized after a while that, hey, I recognize that scent...  It was that wonderful smell that a newborn baby has for a while.   So now, I am certainly convinced that like an angel, a  newborn has that scent because they have come from heaven;  babies only losing it after they've been in this world for a  while.

The next thing that happened was during the first Christmas without daddy.  My husband had cut me a large base out of plywood for my Christmas village collection, drilling many holes in it for the electric plugs  to go through, hiding them underneath.  It was a delightful addition to my Christmas decor.  I had a motion sensor lighthouse.  It was no longer working properly; I just did not want to get rid of it.  It was still beautiful.

One day as I was feeling very melancholy, I had stopped at the opposite end of my village to cry;  total opposite end from the lighthouse.  As I cried, my lighthouse went off.  I was standing many feet away from it; too far for it to have the light in the top of it lit up and rotating.  You cannot believe what a surprise that was. We are talking about a village that extended a good 6 to 8 feet.   Even if it had decided to work once again, you always had to be standing right at the lighthouse for it to go off.  I was very aware without a doubt that it was meant to comfort me.

It took me such a long time to begin healing after this loss.  I do understand that one person grieves differently from another; some taking longer than others.

It definitely took me longer.

The loss of a loved one is not the only type of grief a person may experience.  Sometimes you outgrow places that seemed as though your  permanent home.  People may drift away because life takes you in a different direction.  It hurts to feel as though you are walking away from pieces of your own heart.   Change is good but even when it's necessary, it still feels like loss.  It hurts that something that meant everything to you is now just a memory.  Grief exists because something or someone mattered to you.  If it mattered, it will always be a part of who you are.

If you feel the ache of leaving behind what was familiar, know that it is alright.  You are allowed to grieve the past even as you step into your future. Growing in your life does not erase love...

Moving forward does not mean you forget.

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 36

People love to the level that they love themselves and behave to their level of healed trauma.

Each and every one of us have had things happen in our lives that have left us with deep emotional scars.  Most people will not just automatically know that they need healing from that trauma.  The truth is that every day we wake up, it comes with  more to maneuver through.  After years of collected unhealed trauma, you get to the point even a normal day can be quite overwhelming. It had gotten that way for me.  I was always one to hold things in.  When you do that consistently, you will eventually have an intense anger brewing under the surface. For me, an argument blowup did not really have anything much to do with the argument at hand.  It was like an explosion because I had reached the limit of hurt I could hang on to.  When my spiritual awakening began, every part of my existence as I knew it was stripped away.  You have everything torn down so that you have no choice but to reach inside yourself to connect with the source of creation. You feel like your entire world has been pulled out from under your feet and you have only the Creator to build upon. This is God's way of getting your attention.  As you work through it, every trauma or difficulty you have ever had in your life from childhood through to adulthood will one at a time be brought to the surface so you can deal with it head on, cry out the hurt and release it. It was a strange feeling, because for me, the tears flowed from deep within me, without even much of a thought. 

What most people do not realize is that things that you have long forgotten about and that are no longer on your mind's conscious level are affecting your life in a huge way now in the present.  Especially anyone who has had severe trauma when just a child.

A deep healing is necessary in those cases. You must believe in yourself and your power to heal.  Meditation is a wonderful practice and a great way to get started.  To sit in silence with yourself will begin to bring out the real you; your true self. Don't assume though that you can do it completely on your own.  You need that closeness with God.  If you meditate and connect with Him and talk to Him about things that you need to let go of, He will definitely help you understand what you need to heal.  It will build a bond between you.  In the stillness, He speaks.  You have only to listen.  People tend to keep their feelings and pain inside themselves.  They feel like no one cares about the way they are hurting.  You will find that opening up to the Lord about those feelings during your meditation, can only make things better.  He is a great listener and  wants very much for you to allow the bond between you to grow.  I have learned that He will get as close to you as you allow Him to get.  He loves you and is always with you.  He wants so much for you to realize just how great His love for you truly is.

Jeremiah 32:17

Heavenly Father, You have created the heavens and the earth with your mighty power.

You are sovereign over all.

There is nothing too hard for You.  I place my trust in You to 

work through the challenges

I face; knowing that You can turn them into triumphs.

In Jesus Name.   Amen.

These traumas affect our mental health.  Your mental health is way more important than your career will ever be.  It really makes alot of sense then to see about heeling all that pent up hurt before going after your  dreams or pursuing a specific goal you have in your life.

You will absolutely disappoint some people by becoming your

own priority.  So what?  Let them be disappointed.  Your self care is so very important.  Self care is about doing things you don't really want to do in the present moment.  It's not all about bubble baths and those kinds of things; although those are nice too. 

The thing is, your self care now means a happier future later.  You have the power to create change.  Believe in yourself.  You can achieve anything you set your mind to.  Genuine people are not concerned with being liked.  They balance confidence and humility.  They don't seek attention and feel comfortable in their own skin.  They will not be easily offended.  Accept within yourself that life isn't fair.  Show kindness to unkind people.  Admit it when you make a mistake.  Do not blame others or criticize them. Know when to stay silent.  Learn from your past but live in the present.

Plan for your future and don't sweat the small stuff.

Take the time to be alone and heal.

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 35

Always be your authentic self.  Do not hide the real you.  Different people will always see you in their own way.  Some will see you as shy and quiet and then someone else may see you as cold and mean.  Some may say you are even annoying and won't stop talking.  So many different versions of you exist in others' perceptions.  The person you see as the real you only exists for you.  Do not take things personally.  We all meet people for a reason.  Either they will bring about change in your life or you will change theirs.

No matter how bad something hurts you now, you will look back and realize the struggles you went through changed your life for the better.  The only person you have to face is yourself; besides, you will not know the true value of a moment in time until it becomes a memory.

Life is truly a mirror.  It will reflect back to you what you think into it.  Self love comes from self control.    The best kind of revenge is getting to a place of no longer caring about revenge.  I have come so very far in that respect.  I no longer feel I have to be vindicated.  It's having true freedom.  

I will say, a person will never respect themselves if they are a people pleaser.  Life does not get any easier.  What it is is that you have gotten to be a stronger person.  What another person thinks of you just does not matter.  Think of all the time and energy that is wasted trying to keep other people happy with you.  What you think about yourself is what is truly important.  People you love will hurt you.  Friends can turn into strangers in the blink of an eye.  Our parents were having to figure this stuff out the same as we are.  It's something every generation has had to come to terms with.

If anyone ever makes you question your worth, you do not need that kind of person in your life.  I had a person I considered a close friend but whenever I was around that person they were always making subtle rude remarks to me.  It was every time we spent any time visiting. To be honest, I got to where I just did not want to be around them and eventually distanced myself from them.  After several months of not seeing them, I guess I started feeling guilty.  I told them what had caused the distance and they turned everything around making it as though it was me being too sensitive.  I gave them one more chance and it was not long before the same  old patterns showed up again.  That was it...  I got my fill.  They are no longer in my life.

Sometimes, you just have to do what you know is best for you.

Quality of friends over quantity of friends always wins.  Words can inspire someone but action will create change.  We are what we repeatedly do.  Focus on your values and goals you are passionate about.  Small daily actions shape who we become.

Failure is not fatal;  it's the courage to continue that counts.

What lies in your past or lies before you is a small matter compared to what lies within you.  Your mindset determines your possibilities.  Consistently moving forward keeps you on your path to improvement.  Collect ideas, become one that takes notice of everything around you.  The world is chocked full of wisdom and experiences.  Start writing.  Having a good writing skill will cultivate discipline within you.

The discipline of your thoughts will become much more structured over time.  You live most of your life inside your head.  It's a great thing to make sure it's a nice comfortable place to be. 

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 34

Something I learned the hard way is if a relationship has to be a secret to remain in it, you should not be in it period...Make peace with your past so it will not cause issues in your present.  Never compare your life with someone elses.  You have no idea what that person's journey has been about.  People tend to try and make comparisons like that, and it really makes no sense.  There are no two people out there who have come to this planet with the same story or things to learn while here.  So that is futile.

When struggling in life, take a deep breath; take several deep breathes.  It will instantly calm you and make you feel better.  Try not to take yourself too seriously.  However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

Time heals most everything, so give time time...

You are the only one in charge of your own happiness.  Do not think of someone else or some temporary situation as the reason for being unhappy.  

Envy is a waste of time; accept what you already have, not what you think you need.

And too, if all of us threw our problems in one big pile and could see everyone else's, we would more than likely grab ours back.  Think about this, any disaster that comes, is any of it going to matter in five years?  No, it isn't.  Every issue we face is only temporary.  Life seems unfair at times, but life is still a wonderful gift.  Anything can change in the blink of an eye.  Believe in miracles...

Life is too short; enjoy it!

It's ok to get angry with God;  that is human nature and He can take it.  No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

To cry,  is very healing.  To cry with someone else is even more healing.  It is perfectly fine to let your children see you cry.  One time while crying hard, I held onto my pet and hugged him up close.  It was one of the most healing cries I have ever had.

Try to get outside as much as you possibly can.  Staying indoors too much will put you in a sad mood.  

Forgive those who have done wrong towards you.  Forgiveness is for your good, not theirs.  Forgiving that person does not mean you have to forget.

I promise you, the best is yet to come.

God loves you because of who He is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

Show up for life and make the most of it now.  All that matters in the end is that you loved.

 

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 33

Alot of us are overthinkers;  I know I am. Your anxiety will tell you the worst case scenario every time.  You are strong and can get through hard times one step at a time.  You have already survived things you thought you wouldn't survive.  It is okay to not be okay.  Let go of any negative emotions.  Your anxieties will lie to you; don't listen.  Keep yourself distracted from bad thoughts.  Keep your mind off of things that tear away your positivity.  God has a purpose for everything we experience whether it's making us wait, making us adapt to change, making us reflect or surrendering to Him.  When you get angry, try singing.  When you are burned out take a walk in nature. When you overthink start journalling; it definitely helps.  You could even write those thoughts down on a piece of paper and then burn it.  Burn it up and release it... 

When stressed, get moving; It works.

If you get sad, speak your gratitude out into the universe.

Something I use all the time to calm down are recordings of nature sounds.  I listen to rain, 

ocean sounds, a rippling creek, birds singing.  I listen to the rain to go to sleep alot of nights.

A light windchime is good.  Any forest sounds are very calming and will relax you. 

 God continues loving us whether we are experiencing a bad day or the best day ever.  His unconditional love keeps us wrapped in His arms.  By giving your troubles over to Him, you are choosing not to fear or worry any longer about a situation.  Ask Him to renew your mind, awaken your spirit and cleanse your broken heart.  Trust that He has a better plan because every single thing that happens in our lives has a reason and purpose.

Have a rich mindset. Live in the present moment, learn from your mistakes, do not complain, stop any bad habits you may have and take action.  Alot of us tend to get an idea about something, we think about it and then do nothing.  That's the typical, I can't do it attitude.

On the other hand, you can get that idea, think about it and take action immediately;  can't never could.  A poor mindset is afraid of investing and has a fear of change.  When you take action you bring about growth in your life.  What can you do to make a positive change in your life?  Are you getting in your own way,  blocking that positivity by not taking action about an idea;  shooting it down because of your fear?

Unless action is taken, nothing changes.  You will then remain stagnant and stay exactly where you are in life.  

Some real luxuries in life are a quiet mind, your health, rest without guilt, a good night's sleep, slow mornings, meaningful conversation, home cooked meals, people you love, people who love you back and time.

When the world feels heavy on your shoulders, continue to press on.  Be an example of courage and resilience.

I want to remind you of something.  Despite all the obstacles and hardships you have faced, you have endured so much; remember that.  It takes incredible strength to keep going when it would be much easier to quit.

Regret says there's an opportunity to change course.

Fear says you are being challenged to grow.

Sadness says pay attention to what is lacking in your life.

Jealousy says acknowlege your true desires.

Guilt says that you are not aligned with your true values.

Anger says look into what you are afraid to lose, and resentment is saying you need to work on your victim mentality.

If you don't know what road to take in life at this time,  go about becoming the healthiest, happiest, confident version of yourself.  Then the right path will reveal itself.

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 32

We are all celestial beings.  We all have potential.  We are all deeply and unconditionally loved by the universe.

We all need to release anything that is no longer for our greatest good.

I honor the light that is within myself and all beings.

We are all important, unique and talented.  Always strive to love yourself without conditions.

I will always see the good in a person over steering more towards their shortcomings.  I will see the good in myself as well.  Strive to not be hard on yourself.  We all have a dark side as well.  However, you can choose to see light instead of darkness.

Have compassion for yourself as well as others.

You can build confidence in any situation.  By letting go of any outcomes and handing it over to God you will learn to have a positive mindset in any situation you might find yourself in.  I will now choose love over fear.

All of us have goals and dreams.

Another reality in this life is that we ourselves create the kind of life we desire by our thoughts and manifestations of what we want.  If you think negatively, you will manifest negativity.

Honor your ambitions and go after your dreams.  We are all worthy of the lives we want to live.  

I keep my manifestations written in a journal.  My creativity flows and I write my desires in my journal as if I already have them.

When we meditate on these goals they will eventually become our reality.

I am excited about my future because I believe in it.  I know it is mine already.  We will talk more about this later on in some future posts.

For now, until the timing is right, I choose to be happy in my circumstances because my heart knows it is all temporary.

I am still learning the lessons the universe is teaching me.  Without the valleys in life, we would not be appreciative of the better times when they come.

I will live an authentic life; I will see clearly and think clearly.

I will be at peace. We were all created as expressions of love.

It is what each of us choose to do with that light within us that makes the difference.  You can choose light or choose to turn your back on the light by living in negativity.  This is what has happened in our world;  people have centered themselves on the negativity.

We all have alot to offer the world.

I choose to release all my anxieties and limiting beliefs so I can share my love and knowledge with the world.

We are all co-creators with the universe.  That is always the way it was meant to be.  Along the way though, we have all been made prisoners inside a matrix.  That is why life has become so hard.  There are those out there who do not want us thinking for ourselves...

Believe it; it's the truth.  They go to great lengths to keep us under their control.

These times call for us all to wake up and see the reality of what has happened.  Very soon, we will be given so much  information and truth, it will be difficult to fathom.  It will take all of us helping one another to be able to adjust to the truth of the many many things which have been hidden from us for generations.

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 31

I am going to start this post with two bible verses from the book of Isaiah.  They are both verses that I keep close to my heart.

Isaiah 40:31

They that hope upon the Lord shall renew their strength.  They will mount up as wings like eagles.  They shall run and not be weary;  they shall walk and will not faint.

Isaiah 41:10

Do not fear, for I am with you.

Be not afraid, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you.  I will help you.  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I cannot tell you how helpful these verses have been in my life.

There have been many times in my life I have been scared and felt alone.  These verses speak volumns to me.  When we go through life's ups and downs, we get frightened and seem to forget the Lord is with us all the time.  There have been many times I have felt scared for whatever was coming next in my life.  I have come a long way from who I used to be.  I am proud of the person I am today.  I no longer fear what is to come because every single thing in our lives happens for a reason.

For so long,  I felt I was all alone in what I was going through at any given time.  Being human, I forgot all about my protector being beside me all the way.

They say God collects our tears.

He must have buckets of mine.

People often get mad at God asking why He lets things that hurt us happen to us at all.  There is something all of you reading this need to know and understand.  You may not believe these things I am going to tell you but I assure you they are true.  When we are born into this

life our memories are erased.

The earth is a planet of learning.  That is the easiest way to try and explain it.  We live many lifetimes.  I am within my final lifetime.  This is one of the biggest lies that most religions teach you.  They say you only live one single lifetime, but this is untrue.  Think of the children we hear about that have memories of another time and place.  I am sure this will make some religious people very angry.  I am sorry but I speak the truth.  Our soul lives many lifetimes in different bodies;  bodies are different, soul is the same.  We all have a complete record of our entire soul's lives within the Hall Of Records or Akashic Records as it is often referred to.

We all come to earth from all over the universe.  We are not necessarily from the same planet.  We choose what lessons we come hear to learn during each lifetime.  That is why some people die earlier than others and in different ways.  It is also reason for divorces too.  There are people that we meet that are meant to be in your life for a short season.  Certain lessons you have within relationships to make you grow as a person. All those details are chosen before we come here.  We choose who our parents will be, our birthdate, the lessons we are to learn, and also the date of our death.  We also have lived lifetimes as different races and even lifetimes with severe illness.  We have lived in different countries as poor, middle class or wealthy.

All the details are different according to the lessons we have to learn in a certain lifetime.  Earth is not like other planets you see.  It's more so a dimension; a place that we all come to to have learning experiences to grow us in our spiritual journey.  So remember that we should never blame God for bad things happening.  He loves and protects us while we are here in school. 🙂

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 30

Over the last few years, I have had a very strong ability to feel spirits and see them at times as well. 

At certain times while trying to rest, I have spirits in my space who are trying to get my attention.  I can see them in great facial detail, to the point I could  actually sketch them if I had the talent.  Usually, if I see one,  I will see several more within that same period of time.

It is possible for me to see them with my eyes closed or when they are open.  However, it does seem more prevalent when I am meditating or resting; it does not happen every single day though.  These things have been happening for up to 15 years now.  I have also had my covers tucked in around me at night, along with my covers pulled off of me.  I hear whispering in my ear every now and then but I am unable to decipher the message.  A jar of peanut butter was thrown to my kitchen floor. My printer had come to life on its own several times in one of my former homes.

Once my mother got sick,  through the final two months of her life,  it seemed as though a portal to another dimension was opening up, as many supernatural events started happening in her home during that time. There had never been things like this happening here before.  There were flickering lights in the house, smoke alarms would burst into action, floating ectoplasm in my bedroom that was in the form of a dusty reddish brown and lots of orbs that hovered around my mother's bed.  There was also the mystery of a little girl spirit that my mother could see from time to time.  We had a monitor set up in my mother's room so we could watch her at night and saw some movement over the monitor of covers being thrown back and a figure getting out of her bed. We witnessed alot of childlike play around the bottom of the bed during the daytime.  I think maybe this had to have been the little girl my mother talked about.  Every night a brilliant orb rested at my mother's side on top of the bed covers.  The very last thing I experienced on the monitor just before she died, was seeing the forms of people standing around her bedside, one of which was my father who had passed away 18 years previous.  There was also my mother's mother who died in 2007, my daddy's mother stood at his side and two others who I was never able to identify.

 I had read of others experiencing this type activity during the last days of a parent's life; so it is apparent it does happen; loved ones can return when a person is near death. This can possibly account for a dying individual looking at the ceiling, seeming to talk to someone or reaching out for something.

I  have had something following me from place to place from the time I was saved.  This entity is always around me.  I can't say I have seen him in solid form; however, I caught a shadow figure in a photograph while taking pictures of my chihuahua, quite by accident.  I have always been aware that this spirit lingers.  It feels as if it is a male entity.  He has followed me from the previous property to most all places I have called home;  I would say all of them, but the spirit has been much more active at some of these locations.

During the last couple months, I have been experiencing poltergeist activity.  It has become very troublesome for me.  I never really felt it was a negative spirit before, but I have been frightened more over time with loud bangs, popping noises and lately, crazy noises around the entire outside perimeter of my home that sounds like someone trying to break in. It is an old mobile home so it is very loud and scary.  It sounds almost like crushing metal.  When I get the nerve to check it out there is never anything out there or any issues with windows or such.  This isn't every night, but it is often enough to really unnerve me.  I wonder now if this is a second entity because the poltergeist does not seem as friendly as the other spirit.

Any of you who don't believe in the spirit world would have no doubt if you had seen or heard some of the things that I have witnessed.  These are just a few of the things. I have definitely learned just because you do not see something doesn't necessarily mean it's not there.

We all have guardian angels who watch over us too.  Each of us has only to think back to how many times we have come close to being harmed only to have what we can only describe as a miracle keep us from it.  I have had several circumstances from my life that surely come to mind and I am certain you have too.

When young, I was driving a tractor in the hay field with a long flatbed trailor on the back.

The pasture we were in had some very steep places in it.  Clumsily forgetting what I was doing, I mashed in on the clutch sending us barreling down one of these hills. Well, I could not just let up on it, the tractor would stop too fast.  There were a couple men on the trailor that had been stacking hay on the back that got thrown off because we were moving so fast.  All I had to have mistakenly done was to panic and cut that steering wheel and that tractor would have flipped over and jack knived. That would have been the end of me. When I did manage to get the tractor stopped,  it stopped with enough force to sandwich a square bale of hay between the fender and tire.

I caught a pan of grease on fire one time.  I started running for the backdoor through our living room where two ceiling fans were on.  The flames blew back towards me and when they did I jerked it away from me, splattering the hot grease over part of one hand and I dropped the skillet.  When I think back to how much worse that could have been!  My clothes could have very easily caught fire. There had been an elderly woman in our neighborhood that during the winter she backed up too close to an old gas heater and her robe caught fire.  She died as a result.  That gives you pause as to how fast things can happen.

Also when young, I was driving my boyfriend's sports car.  I have always had kind of a lead foot.

I was on a country road and the sun hit me square in the eyes and I lost control of the car, spinning round and round in the road.  Thank goodness no other vehicle came down the road at that time. I  suddenly realized my hands were not even on the steering wheel but there was someone or something definitely steering it.   I saw the wheel moving normally under complete control...it was not me.

I would certainly have flipped if not for my angel.  I was just going too fast for it not to have flipped over.  Not only that, I felt I was in a time warp because when the car stopped spinning, I was on the correct side of the road, still moving as though it had never happened.

What a strange feeling that was.

Before I stopped the nighttime door dashing, I was making my last delivery one evening.  When I arrived at the customer's home, they did not have any driveway to pull in to so I pulled into the edge of their front lawn, parked and turned on my emergency flashers.  I got out to retrieve my delivery from the back seat and could see car lights approaching very quickly.  I watched as it seemed to get faster and I could hear their car starting to slap the bushes and I knew they would more than likely hit me or my car, possibly both. I had to move and move fast.  This car ran up between my car and the customer's door trying to avoid hitting my car. She never saw me.  If I had not took off running or slipped and fell while running from her car...I would have been hit.  The right front of this car missed me by only a few inches. 

We need to always have gratitude.  Be thankful for the protection that our Heavenly Father gives us.  The older you get,  it really makes you think.

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 29

 Intuition is a very powerful gift that God supplies to all of us. Always stay vigilant, keep those eyes wide open when meeting a new person.  Some things to watch for when starting a new relationship would be.. do they have curiosity about you and want to learn more about you,  do they enjoy spending time with you, do they remember things that are important to you,  do they apologize when necessary and try to correct bad behavior,  they prioritize you and your relationship, also, do they treat their mother with love and respect, they are empathetic and they get excited about your goals.  

There are always things you should not ignore when getting to know them better.

Not one of us is perfect, however, some red flags should never be overlooked.  Its where that god given intuition comes into play.  There are very important reasons for it.  Listen to it when it tells you something is off about someone; Intuition does not lie.

Your body will literally reject those who you are not meant to have in your life.  Take notice of those feelings.  Do you feel safe around the person, or do you have an uneasy reaction to being around them?  When choosing your own peace of mind, there  may be people out there who delight in guilt tripping you for the decisions you have made. 

Some things you might can say to them in response and still remain respectful would be:

I understand your perspective, however, I need to stick to my boundaries, or, it's important for me to stay true to myself, or,

I need for you to respect my choices.  Do not let someone railroad you into what they want you to do unless it is realistically the best option.

When you have been blessed with a good partner in life, always remember to  compliment them.  Tell them how special they are; how much you care for them, how they feel like home to you and make you feel safe.  Never take them for granted a single moment.

Every relationship can get a little boring after being together for many years but it is important for both partners to keep the relationship new and fresh.  If the relationship is important to you, you will never fail in doing this very thing.

All couples have arguments.

Its all in the way you handle things and verbalize your feelings afterward.  You want a partner, first of all, that will never give up on you.  God intends for two people to have that unconditional love for one another.  With that kind of love for each other, a couple can  work through alot of things.  Love is about teamwork.  A woman taking care of the man in her life and a man taking care of his woman as well.  Work together in solving any issues.

6 things to always remember within a relationship:

LISTEN MORE, SPEAK LESS

STAY LOYAL, NO MATTER THE STORM

SAY I AM SORRY AND MEAN IT

BE HONEST ABOUT MONEY

MAKE DATE NIGHTS NON- NEGOTIABLE

CHEER EACH OTHER ON ALWAYS

When  two people meant for each other always have each other's back they could be unstoppable...

A TRUE POWER COUPLE...

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 28

During the first part of my awakening, I was already being tested on my faith to a large degree.

Before I was able to fully decern between receiving God's messages and messages from the evil one, I had many occurrences where I would run out of gas on the highway because I was  receiving what I assumed were messages at times meant to test my faith.  I would take off down the road without checking my gas gage regularly.  During the time just after being saved, it was such a confusing time.

That is just the time when the evil one causes you lots of confusion because you are a new christian.  The devil really goes after you at that time to cause as many problems and confusing thoughts as possible.

Sad to say, it's a normal thing...when going through an awakening.

First of all, as I ponder on how very hard things were at that time, it is extremely obvious to me that God definitely kept me safe and protected during those times.  I cannot tell you how many miles I literally drove with an empty gas tank; totally empty.  I know without any doubt I drove back home one time sitting on empty for atleast two hours.  It was totally dark, I had an empty tank and no money to fill the tank. I spoke to the Lord and let Him know how much faith I had that He would get me home. When I made it all the way home that night, I just sat in the car for a little while thanking my Heavenly Father for the miracle He had just performed.  It was so unreal!

I promise you it actually happened; believe it or not...

All these things happening caused problems between my family and I.  I would be prompted to make trips different places in trying to help people.  Well, even though I knew I was literally going through a spiritual transformation on one hand, on the other hand my family had no choice but to assume I was going off the deep end.  I can understand how very worried they must have been.

I think I remember running out of gas about three times within a short period of a few weeks and my family would have to retrieve me from the side of the highway.

Trying to explain exactly what I was experiencing to my family was just impossible.

I was already very aware that God had a higher calling on my life.

That final time this had happened, a local deputy came by and asked me if he could help.  He went to get me some gasoline at the closest small town. Once again, I had no money.  I was extremely blessed he came along.

My problem was, at that time, talking too much about my spirituality, so this nice man was worried about my state of mind.  To the typical person hearing me, they could only assume I was playing with less than a full deck, if you know what I mean.

People automatically think the worst so he called an ambulance to come speak to me about the way I was feeling.

I have always had a habit of not drinking enough water and I knew I was getting too dehydrated, so when the ambulance driver asked me if I thought I needed to get checked out, I agreed with him.  

Once the ambulance delivered me to the nearest emergency room, they gave me fluids through a drip to help me recuperate.  Unbeknownst to me though, after several hours in the er, I was transferred to the 3rd floor where I stayed for the next 3 weeks because they thought I was looney tunes.

I was so very angry.  I knew I was fine but they started me on medicines to try to hush my discussion of my spirituality.

I have never been so aggravated with a physician as I was with the one responsible for my care during that time.

Every day after they started giving me these new meds when he would make his rounds all he seemed to constantly ask me was whether I still wanted to talk about my spirituality.  With each passing day, he angered me more and more.  This man thought that was going to change.  Finally, about a week before being released, he entered my room and voiced the same question... I had had enough of him.  I told him, "you can medicate me from now on, but my heart and voice will remain unchanged.  He finally shut his mouth about it.  

I will say this, just because the truth someone speaks seems crazy to you does not mean that  that person's heart is not realistically going through a lifechanging transformation.  It's alright to consider someone is off until it happens to you, and it very well could.  Not a single one of us knows what tomorrow may bring.

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 27

I will always respect and give thanks for those who have made my life hard for me.  Those people are where my strength and growth come from.  Of course, they don't realize it though.  My resilience today is as a result of my strong faith.  I just don't worry like I used to. 

 Give thanks to God in everything;  even for all those difficult times you thought you might not get through.  You never know just how strong you truly are until you have circumstances arise that calls for that strength and strong faith.  One of those times for me, was when my mother was diagnosed with alzheimers.  Taking care of a sick parent is quite an awakening experience. One of the most difficult things I have ever faced.  It was not for the faint of heart.

 I pray about everything and ask the Divine to supply my every need.  He has never failed me.

I cannot tell you how many times I wondered financially,  just how I would make it through the next  days;   However, it was on many occasions, I would find a much needed check in the mailbox that allowed for me to buy a few groceries. 

The Bible tells you to give no thought to what you will wear or what you will eat, not to worry about such things.  Remember, God feeds the sparrow.  How much more does He care for us?  When you lean upon the Father for all your needs they will certainly be met.

When you think in terms of having to create a way for those needs to be met on your own, that's when the trouble starts.

When you are having a less than perfect day, try not to allow yourself to become sad and more depressed.  What helps is to do something like going for a walk in the sunshine.  If you are like I am, I have always enjoyed getting outside even if it is raining.  I love taking a walk in the rain.

A slight, slow, steady rain, not a hurricane or thunderstorm...lol.

There are alot of us who tend to get depressed that are actually low in vitamin D.  That's why getting outside and soaking up some sunshine on those days you are feeling low, it will definitely help you feel better.

Speaking of everyday stumbling blocks, back when younger and trying to work when my children were little, I could not seem to get to work on time. It was not on purpose but things would  just happen; it would be something different every day.  I might have forgotten to fill the car with gasoline, I may have had a flat tire or of course, my personal favorite...I could not find my car keys. 😁  Those things were all on me, but there were always those times when your precious little ones decided to let you know they had a project due at school.

When is it due baby?  Today moma..it's today!  Poor thing only had an entire week to tell me but decided it would be more fun to let me in on it the day she had to turn it in. 😒🙄

One day we were in a terrible hurry..I was already running late!

We jumped in the car and while I was adjusting my rear view mirror, I noticed there was someone sitting in the back seat I didn't recognize...

Wait a minute!  Jennifer, what are you wearing?..makeup, today I wanted to look pretty...

Uugh! This was in the early 80's so electric blue eye shadow was the popular shade at that time.  I was late to work but my baby decided to borrow some..if she had not looked so adoreably cute, I would have been really mad..I had to take her back in the house and scrub her face down that morning.  So I was even later than my normal late. Hahahaha!

It's really funny how children think.  One night I decided I would fix a breakfast supper.

My oldest child, at that time, was 4 years old.  I took her with me to our little country store to buy a couple things I needed.  The entire car ride, she was having a little tantrum about wanting me to get her a candy bar.  I was trying to explain that I would not have enough money to do that and get the other things I needed.  She looked at me and says, " moma, just write a check; that way you don't have to pay for it."  The little dear wanted to help me solve the issue.

😁😆

Even though those type things were aggravating back at the time, I would not take anything for those sweet memories now.

These things I love

 remembering;   I am sure they will lift your spirit as they do mine:

The light of God surrounds you, the love of God enfolds you, the power of God protects you,  God's presence watches over you, the life of God flows through you, the laws of God direct your path, the power of God resides in you, the joy of God uplifts you,  the strength of God renews you, and the beauty of God inspires you.

God is wherever you are...

He never leaves you.

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 26

I am so thankful to be alive during this time.  There are so many wonderful changes coming.  I have never felt so free.

I have received the key to open doors to my new life;  a life that will be filled with love and light.  Having a positive mindset will carry you lightyears from where you have been in the past.

I choose compassion.  I release judgement of others and judgement of myself.  It will hold you prisoner if you allow it to.   Choose to focus on the abundance of love you already have in your life and not the lack of it.  You are blessed; just look around you. 

We all deserve to enjoy life.  We are worthy of being happy.

I follow the voice of my heart.

I love being playful and spontaneous in my life.  Slow down and take in the extraordinary in ordinary things.

Do not forget to thank your Heavenly Father for the many blessings he gives you every day.

Don't take anything for granted.

Forgive yourself for ever doubting your self worth.  It is so easy for us as humans to doubt our own self worth especially when we are judged or rejected in some way.  That is not a reflection of who you are at all.

Repeat these affirmations to yourself every day:

I believe in myself.

My mistakes help me grow.

Today will be memorable.

I will think positively.

I am important.

I am worthy.

I am loved.

I am bursting with promise.

I have lots of potential.

I will create possibilities.

These statements will work wonders for you if you speak them to yourself often.

Where I used to be down on myself for being different and misunderstood, I now embrace my uniqueness.  Being different is a good thing; not something to worry yourself about.  People are like snowflakes; there are no two of us just alike.  That, to me, is something wonderful.  God made each of us different and unique in our own way.

I am just the person I need to be.

I am right where I belong at any given time.  I will keep loving myself even when it's hard to.  There are always times when we would rather not.  We are human and we will always make mistakes.  Keep loving yourself and make it a habit.  Keep loving yourself with joy and perseverence.  I will always value being there for someone else.

Doing good for someone else and feeling good are connected.

I am going to embrace my spiritual path.  We have all been created to leave our imprint on this world.

We encourage the healing of the earth by being lighthouses.  Shine your light out into the world.  That's what I will always strive to do;  to be a guiding light for someone else...

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 25

From the time I was a very young girl, I had this big dream.  A dream that one day I would grow up and have the finances it called for to help other people who needed it.

God has been with me through all my ups and downs of life; even before I was totally aware of His presence, He was already preparing me.  Those times I felt He had abandoned me, that was not Him having left me but I who had distanced myself from Him.  He has never left me...

He is molding me into the person he needs for me to be to accomplish the dream that lies within me.  It is a monumental dream, but one I have never given up on.  God's timing is perfect in every way, and in His timing my dreams will all come true.  I believe it with everything in me.  The dream is to help my  family members with financial abundance as well as other people that I have yet to meet.    I want them to have a nice place to call home, plenty of food to eat, medicines that are necessary for them to stay healthy and the finances to handle any issues that may arise within their lives along the way.  Helping people is what makes my heart overflow with happiness;  I feel so full of love for others.  I would rather give away the last dollar I had then to see someone go without something they need. 

Another dream I have is to find the type love relationship I have always wanted.  I have never had the kind of love my heart wants ever reciprocated back to me by my partner. Most people would say that kind of love does not exist.  Oh, it does;  I know it does.  The timing is just not quite right for me just yet.  One thing I do know is that he is out there waiting for me the same way I am waiting for him.

We are a perfect match and have been made a perfect fit for each other by the Creator.  When we do come together, it will be a completely different experience from anything we have been used to in any previous relationships.  It will feel electric!  It will be easy.  If you are having to change who you are to be with someone, they are just not the right one.  True love would be with someone who you can be your authentic self with.

People go about life searching for a partner without God's guidance; He is just left out of it completely.  We try to rush into things on our own and not give the right person time to come into our lives.  There is a reason why all the broken relationships out there did not stand the test of time.  God was missing from those relationships. 

God gave us all inner knowing or our intuition for a reason.  We just forget to use it when choosing the right person for us.  In my past, I have tried so hard to make the wrong person fit.  I am thinking maybe because I was afraid to be alone to face my past.  When you go within yourself to learn the real you instead of letting your fear get the better of you, you will become more comfortable to be alone with your own thoughts.  It is scary to face your dark side;  however, it is necessary to connect with the light inside yourself.  Once you do connect with your inner self and confront that dark side so it can be dealt with and released, you come out of it with the ability to balance your life much more appropriately.  You become the best version of yourself...and the person you have always been meant to be.

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 24

Today I will connect with each of you about the words we speak.

We can create circumstances through our thoughts and words.

It is so very important that we do not talk down to ourselves.

You can become sick by stating that you are sick to yourself or others.  It's a simple but powerful fact that we create things through the words we speak, whether positive or negative. When you speak positive thoughts you are manifesting that thought into existence. The same goes for feeding yourself negative thoughts.  This is a very important thing to remember.  We are all, at some point, guilty of saying things to ourselves that are negative thoughts being verbalized outloud; I speak this so it must be true.  Think about this the next time negative thoughts rear their ugly head.  To speak positivity to yourself can only bring about good things.  Try to catch yourself and start correcting this habit of negative thinking and your life will automatically change for the better.  Try it...

I put my trust in the Divine in helping me to accomplish this.

It is human nature to lean more to the negative side of things.

After putting this into practice, I no longer automatically think negative thoughts in regard to other people.  Every one of us has good within us, no matter what.  When someone in my presence speaks about someone in a negative way, I will speak up for that person who is not there to defend themselves.  I will always give that person the benefit of the doubt. There's not one of us who knows what another person has been through. The truth is, if you do not have anything nice to say about someone, just don't say anything.

Unconditional love is our birthright; everyone of us.  I want to become the best version of myself I can possibly be.

I am in the process of positive change.  God is unconditional

love.  When we strive to be the best we can be, we shine God's light out into the world and it makes our world a much better place.  We radiate love and in turn love fills our lives.  Love is our guiding light in this world.

Love itself is a spiritual journey.

We can keep on loving ourselves and planting seeds of more love with each and every person we come into contact with.  I send myself love and honor the person I have become today.  I used to be a person who rattled off ugly if you happened to anger me about anything.  I do not do it anymore.  The Divine has worked miracles within my personality.

There was a time when I was the worst when trying to manuever through busy traffic or such as that kind of thing but my road rage type attitude is long gone.  This was actually one of the first changes in myself I noticed.  I no longer get stressed about traffic.

Think about it like this.  You may be in such a hurry to get somewhere but maybe God had you stuck in that traffic jam to keep you safe.  He knows every situation and that extra time might have been the difference beteeen life and death.

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 23

My friends, be grateful for all you see, all you know and all that you experience; the bad as well as the good. It is all for our growth. 

I have always disliked asking someone for help.  The old me had a problem with asking for anything if I needed to.  I have learned to not have fear of asking for that help.  God never planned for us to be alone  and not be able to ask someone for some help if we need it.  It is just so hard to push that pride aside isn't it?  This was certainly a big lesson I had to learn within myself.  I will now accept  someone's help and receive that help more easily.  By turning down someone's help you are actually keeping them and yourself from the blessings there are for each one of you.

Something else that I have come to understand is that I am solely responsible for what or who I allow in my life.  I am the only one that can change that.  We cannot blame it on anyone else.  I have found out just how strong I truly am.  I walked away from what was not for my greatest good.

I am enough and I accept myself just the way I am.  The more you love yourself, the more love comes to you.  It is none of my business how someone else feels about me.  What another person thinks of you does not matter at all.  It is how you feel about yourself that matters...

A connection to the creator is within each and every one of us.

It takes darkness to be able to see the light.  We must all find a balance.  It's when the balance is disrupted that problems arise.

God's light is within all of us.  Ask Him to show you His light and go inside yourself to find Him.  He said all who search for Me will find Me...knock and the door shall be opened.

Call to God and He will answer you.  He listens to you and hears the words of your heart.

People tend to feel that a prayer has to be fancy, but the truth is it does not.  I talk to Him just as though I would talk to anyone.

I always did alot of my praying while in the car traveling down the road.  Its a perfect time really if you think about it.

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 22

We all must learn to forgive ourselves for any mistakes we have made both known and unknown.  These things we perceive as problems are actually learning experiences that are set before us to help us grow.  We must allow ourselves to feel how we feel about those things and continue loving ourselves no matter what.  I let go of control of any outcomes to situations. I have learned to remain calm in any circumstance.  I continue to love myself when its hard to.  We are human, we all make mistakes.

I have grown in my capacity to be grateful in the moment;  to be happy with what I have now.

Simplify your life; not much is needed for true happiness.  I take heart and consider all the times I did not get WHAT I DID NOT WANT.  I am proud of my resilience.  I give myself credit for the times I made it through tough circumstances when it felt I was not going to.  I care deeply, share freely and live bravely.  Being grateful is the secret to happiness; with gratefulness comes much more to be grateful for.  I trust in the Divine's perfect blessings and I believe in the Divine's perfect timing in my life.

I know now how much I am loved and I know what my true worth is.  I deserve self-respect and the respect of others, nothing less.

I do not fear anything that is to come.  I have a positive mindset at all times.  I speak my truth and honor the boundaries I have put in place. I have taken myself out of the fear of loving my inner self.  I am worthy of being a priority.  I know that I am worthy of coming first.  My feelings are that I will speak true words or stand in silence.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 21

This post is going to touch on the money issues that followed me through two marriages.

As I had posted earlier, I had a problem with acquiring necessities I needed for my babies and I.  My first husband was extremely hard to deal with to the point I was frightened of his reaction if I needed to tell him about anything.  I just did not trust him to not hurt me, if I tried to get the money I needed from him. He wanted me to account for where every dime went.  I went to work as a school secretary when my first baby was 10 months old.  I got to where I would dread when I got my paycheck.  I bought the main part of the month's groceries at that time.  I literally dreaded walking through the door every time because he would meet me at the door raising hell about the money I spent on the groceries.  

Groceries to feed our family!

There was no winning with him.

So to keep the peace in our home and remain safe, I got to where I would try to solve all the money issues by myself.  It was not a good thing but I felt it was the only choice I had at the time.

If I needed anything or to pay anything, I got to where before we would get in a bind somehow, I would take out a payday loan.  You know how expensive that is.  It was just a quick solution.  Before I  knew it, I had gotten myself in a terrible fix.  The fear I had of him had me thinking it would all be ok if I could just pay it back every payday.  Well, of course, the way those loans work you more likely than not would end up in a cycle of renewing these loans to get more money back.  I think at one time I had 6 or 7 of these loans I was continously chasing.  So then, to keep him from finding out,  I would do everything I had  to keep him from getting  the mail out of the mailbox every day, just in case they sent any paperwork.  He wanted to have total control over every aspect of our lives.  Once all was found out, I ended up having to file bankruptcy.

When I married my second husband, I would still react to things as though dealing with husband number one.  I had not healed inside yet but brought this baggage from my first marriage into my second marriage.  How many people does this happen to?  Bringing baggage from a previous relationship.  ALOT, I AM SURE...

It took some time but the money issues started affecting my life with husband number two.

It was, however, a little different

this time.  Because of me never dealing with the addiction I had with money, it continued to get worse.

Because I did not feel I had the freedom I needed to ask for money during the first marriage, I demanded to take care of the finances myself during the second marriage.  My husband, not realizing the problems I had before, agreed with it.  My addiction even included gambling online later on and I lost alot of money;  money we could not afford to lose.

I am now happy to be healed of this addiction today.  I still have to be vigilant in watching what I spend.  Any addiction, no matter what kind, has to be brought to the surface, dealt with and released.

I now know when a new relationship comes, we will keep each other accountable.  I will have no more addictive tendencies with money.  If we have issues of any kind to work through, it will be as a team.  I am a far cry from the person I used to be.  I am not built for secrets anymore.  To feel totally free is the best feeling in the world.

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 20

At the present,  I need alot more rest than I ever have before.  I can tell when in a large group of people, I tend to take on the energies of people around me.  That can be quite exhausting for me and according to the level of energy I have to begin with at any particular time,  I can end up sleeping many extra hours just to become balanced energetically again.  I have to be very choosy about who I give my energy away to.  I am a heyoka empath.  

I act as though a mirror in another person's presence;  I reflect their behavior back to them.  Also, I use humor in bringing people to a different way of looking at things.  For some people, it is hard to deal with my reflective light;  a most precious gift I received from the Divine.  A gift that is meant to help His people in connecting with Him by going inside themselves to heal their shadow side.  I am an energy healer/energy transmuter.

I can immediately turn a negative energy into positive energy.

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 19

I went from feeling on top of the world to being in the lowest valley when we split.  And to make it worse, within this last year I have received alot of what I call downloads of information in regard to that past relationship; the unhealed version of the person I loved and thought I knew.

Mind blowing things that were being done behind my back.

I had a bombardment of intuitive knowledge being given to me.

My person I thought I knew was in on some of the most hurtful deceitful things against me.  Things that hurt me the deepest I have ever been hurt.

Still I held firm in my faith that the person was ultimately good underneath all of that evil facade.

There were so many hidden secrets being kept from me.

So much stolen without my knowledge.  How could he do this?

I cannot say I did not already have a very strong feeling things were not as they seemed.

This man that I put all my faith in had torn down the remainder of my existence; what was left of a heart given so freely to him.  If my heart had any part of it still intact, finding out all these things about him finished breaking it down.

This man portrayed himself to be a certain type person that he knew I would want him to be and turned out to be not nearly the man I thought he was.  He hid his true self behind a mask. 

He was jealous and apparently quite mean and vindictive. How could someone who I thought loved me do such hurtful things?

I don't have a clue why he felt this way about me.  That I know of, I had done nothing to deserve the way he was treating me;  or if I had, I told myself, I just wished I understood what it was I had done.

I always tried to speak truth to him.  Even though it was so often I felt defeated in our relationship, I would try my best to give him every benefit of the doubt.  I held onto all the hurt he was dishing out but my heart absolutely refused to give up on him.  I had told him from the beginning, I would not share his affection with anyone else.  Because I was so enamored with him, I let it go really alot longer than I should have.  Close to our breakup, it was so obvious that he was trying to get me to lose interest.

This was so hard to let sink in.

That after showing him how much I loved him, it was not enough to make him happy.  

This ultimate betrayal was from a  person I thought of as my very best friend.

What in the world else?  I have lost the best friend I have ever had and the only man I have ever felt this deeply for.  All in one fatal swoop.

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 18

With God's intervention in the lives of my love interest and I, separating us those years ago, I had to give up everything at all to do with that relationship.

This of course meant immediately putting the land I had purchased close to him back on the market.  

I loved that property.  A few months before we broke up, I would have never given that place up.  

When God spoke, the decision was made and I never looked back.  No plans ever came to completion on the property; and now I understand why.  If something isn't part of God's plan for your life, it will never come into fruition.  We were the right people coming together at the wrong time.  If you make plans on your own without God as your pilot, things will never work.

Don't get me wrong, it was meant for us to meet at the time we did to bring us together to learn valuable lessons and grow in our spirituality.  That past relationship was never meant to be anything but temporary.

In God's timing, He will reunite us as a healed couple within a lasting relationship that He has ordained.

It broke my heart, but I knew for me to heal properly, I had to delete all our text messages and the photos of him I had saved.  This was the hardest thing  in the world for me to do, erasing our relationship from my phone as though it never happened.

Well, maybe our conversations I saved are gone,  but the impression he made on my heart is still with me and always will be.

My heart will not accept anyone else.  He is the love of my life.

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 17

This is another post with some extra things I experienced about the sasquatch during the couple years I stayed in touch with the BIGFOOT RESEARCHERS ORGANIZATION that I did not cover in my previous posts.

Following are vocalization links identical to what was heard on our property:

https://www.bfro.net/avevid/mjm/Howl.mp3

https://www.bfro.net/avevid/sierrasounds/Whoop.mp3

After dark you could not see the creatures themselves as they cloak themselves.  However, you could see what looked like mirror type panels that lit up wherever they were located such as what a prism would look like.

Researchers or bigfoot hunters have always wondered why they could never catch one or kill a specimen....how did they disappear into thin air?  It was that cloaking ability.  They could be standing right in front of you, yet you could not see them.  They were always thought to be nocturnal, which is untrue.  With the ability to cloak themselves they walk around in daylight hours also.

I found also they are able to travel between dimensions.  I know how crazy this sounds but believe me, it is the absolute truth.

The closest resemblance to their cloaking would be such as it was in the movie 'Predator'.

All the photos I had taken brought to light something else.

I took a picture that showed one of them in the process of shapeshifting.  The entire figure had changed into a human  indian with the exception of one arm which was still a hairy sasquatch arm.

I told the researchers about my findings, however,  it was months later during a research expedition that they saw it for themselves.  A young sasquatch that was in solid form started shimmering like a mirror and faded completely out of sight, blending in to it's surroundings. They have also been successful with DNA testing on them with a lab company that was willing to do it.  These creatures were here long before we ever were.  These creatures were found to be half human.  But they have been unsuccessful in identifying

what the other half of their DNA is from.  There has been speculation that they have a connection with the fallen angels.  In my opinion, it makes perfect sense.

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 16

I had once heard of people who were waiting on God's plan in His perfect timing for their lives, never thinking I would one day be waiting on His instruction myself.   To sit in quiet stillness for months on end in a holding pattern some might say that would be torture. I do not think it torture but an absolute learning experience;  a deep dive into who I truly am and what my  true purpose is in being here.  You have not touched upon reality until you have gone deep within yourself,  breaking down all the parts of yourself that you thought were important.  You wake up one day and you realize all the bs that the world has fed you from the very beginning is and was all a fabrication.  We are prisoners  within our own world;

 just walking around like puppets on a string.

To have everything yanked out from under you is not the end of the world as you know it, it is the beginning.  The beginning of breaking free from the matrix and learning that the source of everything is within us all.  All the things we have been taught are a nightmare in comparison to what God intended.

There is a great truth in being able to hear God's still small voice in the quiet of meditation.

We are bombarded with so much noise and mind congestion every day from working, running errands and just trying to take care of our families; when are you really given time to connect with your creator?  Sadly, that is exactly what the plan always has been.  To keep us from connecting with the source of all creation.

In a short while our lives will be flooded with so much truth that it will send all of us into a tailspin.  You will feel left without a support system.  You will have no choice but to go within yourselves for answers.  That's where a true connection with God can be found.  We have to put our faith in Him and only

Him.

With all the things that I have had happen in my life,  it is sometimes hard for me to have hope in tomorrow. I do get sad, I do get depressed;  but I cry if I need to; It makes me feel better.

I know joy comes in the morning.

He gives us a new start each day.  I hold onto my faith in my creator.  He is the one who will bring me through any difficult times.  So I do not allow myself to stay down about life.  We have to keep smiling, keep living, keep loving.  You see, truth is, love is the reason we are here.  It all comes down to love; loving ourselves and loving each other.

There is so much hatred in this world because of our differences.  Why?  We have much more in common than we have differences. There's just lots of people who have not realized it yet. We are all on a level playing field, no one better than another.  God made a variety of nationalities and skin colors so this world would be a wonderful, interesting and vibrant place, just like all the different precious flowers we see; all so beautiful in their own way.  Think about how boring this world would be if we were all identical.

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 15

I eventually had to quit the doordashing.  It was just getting to be too much for me.  I feel it had alot to do with my age.  It was just wearing me out.

After that I really started having money issues.   

The electricity had been in my mother's name.  Once she passed away, I had to have it moved over into my name.  To do that they wanted several hundred dollars to get it started in my name.   Something that seemed totally ridiculous to me since I was the one paying the bills in the first place. Well, I did not have it and as a result of this problem I lived in this hot trailer with no electricity during the hottest two months of the summer last year.  Thanks to a sweet young lady my electricity was turned back on without me paying that extra money.  She was a great blessing.

I had people think I was just being lazy by not working the doordash anymore.  My reply to that is I am on disability for a reason and have been for almost 20 years.  I have never been a lazy person but I will tell you when your health gets in the way something has to give.  I have lived my life in excruciating pain with neuropathy which has always made standing or walking for any length of time impossible, fibromyalgia which is a terrible inflammatory illness, then add anxiety and type 2 diabetes, elevated BP, and other genetic health issues and you have a recipe for disaster.  So no, I am not lazy.

Since that time, things had gotten so rough it was coming down to pay the car note or eat.

I chose being able to eat and as a result I lost my car.

Now the latest thing is I had a very bad water leak that was ruining what was left of the floor in my bedroom;  actually several water leaks.  This trailer moma had, its 43 or 44 years old now and the entire floor support is failing.  I had no extra money to fix the leaks and have the floors redone so I have had the water turned off.  I have had no running water for a month and a half, maybe longer.  A person can get real creative if you have no choice but to live this way.

I have to rely on my daughters to take me places I need to go.

The majority of the trailer is full of all my things packed up and ready that I once had in storage.  I have been in a testing and resting period, I know this. Resting for what is to come.  My daughters have been tested as well because of needing to make sure I had enough food in the house.  I always hated asking anyone for help but I have learned to ask if I need anything.

In God's timing, I know things will be better.  I have alot of faith in my heart that God will bring the man I love and I back together.

We are both different people today than we were three years ago when God separated us to heal.  We have learned alot while apart.  We have both done alot of healing and learned alot of life lessons.  I know without a doubt that he and I will spend the remainder of our lives together.

The waiting is the hard part, but God always finishes the work he starts in us.  That is the truth.

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 14

Within these last three years, I have gone through some of the darkest days I have ever experienced.  

To be near the man I loved, I moved an hour and a half from my home and rented a place in a nice trailer park closer to his home. There were no inside pets allowed so for six months I was there living one day at a time...so lonely without even Cinnamon, my little chihuahua as company.

 My man and I saw each other when we could but it was not nearly enough. Atleast we text each other every day I would tell myself;  I atleast had that to look forward to.

When my mother was diagnosed with alzheimers, I  quickly moved back home to take care of her when my sister and I realized she had been overdosing herself on some of her meds.  Since my mother could no longer drive her car,  I started using it to doordash in.  My car was a much older car, so it only made sense to drive hers.  I had to do something to supplement my disability income.

Since my sister had recently remarried, it was up to me to stay with moma and then we had sitters coming to the house to take care of her too.  My father had left my mother with enough money that she could be cared for without sending her to a nursing home.  This is something my sister and I have been so thankful for.  Closer to the end of her life, I am the one she forgot.  It was difficult listening to my mother talk to my sister like I was a stranger.  It hurt my heart so much but I did understand this illness is that way.  You really never know what a person will remember or what they will forget.  

A few months before my mother's death, I had to take a break.  The exhaustion of having a sick parent was taking its toll on me.  I went on a weeks vacation up the east coast and over to the Smokey Mountains telling myself the whole time I don't think I am going back.  It was just what I needed to get my mind off of what was going on at home; if only for a short time.

A few months after my mother passed away I was working past dark.  I was involved in a head on collision.  I was so exhausted and failed to yield right of way to another car. All of us were sent to the hospital, but all of us were released.  It totalled my mother's car.  It was quite a jolt to my body but what a miracle from God that we all walked away from this terrible crash.  This put an end to my working after dark.  I had already sold my old clunker so I had to buy another car.

I purchased a 2019 Toyota Corolla.  I loved it! It may not have been brand new but new enough to have a car payment I really could not afford.

I did not really realize it at the time but my relationship was  much more of a one -sided relationship.  I was the one putting in most of the effort.  I was the one doing the chasing.

 I had found land for sale in close proximity to his home and purchased it in hopes of us living there one day; a future as husband and wife.  I guess I thought I could make all this happen.  Every day I dreamed of the day when he and I would live together on our land. We talked alot about how wonderful it would be;  however, red flags were flying big time. 

  The land was beautiful but also landlocked with a 30 foot easement to the property.   The more I tried to move ahead with getting the land ready and some kind of gravel road fixed, the further away it seemed to be.  Nothing was working out.  From the beginning, even before I rented for those few months,  my boyfriend was trying his best to talk me out of moving away from my family.  At the same time, I was very confused with the way he was showing excitement with the idea of us being together. This was just crazy...

 Once I had to move back home to take care of moma,  it definitely hurt the relationship;  I just did not know for a while what the distance had done.  Unbeknownst to me, he had moved on to other relationships.

Seeing other people but keeping me hanging.

Losing my mother was very hard but we knew it was coming...

The loss of my father years before, was much much harder for me.  It caught all of us completely off guard.  In September of 2002, my husband and I went on a short vacation to Branson, Missouri.  On the trip home, we found out my daddy had had a massive stroke. That was a terribly sad ride to the hospital. He had already been put on life support.

My daddy had never been sick a day in his life.  He had a little problem with high blood pressure that they had just started medicating him for, but nothing really serious.

We had to make the difficult decision to take him off life support;  he showed no brain activity, he was gone.   He passed away on September 6, 2002.  My heart absolutely refused to accept it.  This had shattered my heart into a million tiny pieces.  It seemed like my whole world was crumbling.  It took me four years of grieving to try and process the loss. He and I had been so close.

Thinking back to my problems on the property while still married, I realized I probably opened the door to the evil I started experiencing.  I looked for answers to why my daddy left us so soon.  I could not wrap my head  around losing him at just 70 years old.   I think a person automatically assumes they will have their parents for atleast 80 years or a little longer.

Having kind of a background  interest in supernatural stuff,  I decided one night after the house was quiet that I would carry on a seance in my office.  I lit a white candle thinking this would protect me at the time...it didn't!  I left a recorder with a microphone set up running that night.  When I replayed it the next day it sounded just like daddy's voice on the recorder.  I was convinced it was him.  It was not!!  Satan is a liar.

 This happened before I received the gift of salvation.  I had left myself open and very vulnerable.  This is probably why I fight spiritual attacks so strongly to this day.  People who dabble with this stuff are unknowingly inviting evil in.  Especially things such as ouji boards.  I so want people to understand this; how very dangerous it truly is.

I do apologize to you all for how much I jump around in the telling of things. I do not want to miss telling you anything I feel is an important part of what I went through in my past.  It is just impossible for me to remember things and tell them in chronological order...so I am very sorry about that.

"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 13

You can imagine how for me, it became harder and harder to make a break from him.  We had the most awesome time together and we never argued about anything.  I started asking if he loved me because he never said it.  I never received any sweet compliments from him.  Those type things really were huge red flags.  I ignored it all.

After a while, I started asking him what a woman would expect to hear..."Do you think I'm pretty?"  that sort of questioning.

I was yearning for his attention. I was not getting what I needed at all.

Then as time went on he would say things that should have put an end to this relationship;  not really what he would say as much as the way he said it.  I would fight back tears and go on.  As time progressed I noticed little things like the missing heart emojis from our text messages.  He was backing away from me on purpose.  I just did not want to believe it, so I chose not to.

The day came when I asked him directly about there being someone else.  He lied and said no. I was shocked at myself but I raised my voice at him and said "You are lying!"  He went silent and I told him we could not see each other anymore.  Finally, I was starting to stand up for myself.

I told him at first we could continue talking but then I changed my mind and said no, we cannot keep texting either.  He said he wanted to atleast be friends, but I said no, so the relationship ended very quickly.  I would not have ever stopped talking to him on my own accord. That final decision had to be God working in our lives. God knew we both needed to heal.  I spent the next several months crying so hard.  I was in a deep depression.  I knew I had made the right decision, finally, but I felt so lost without him;  part of me was missing.

I have never stopped loving him.  I love him still to this day.  It's been almost three years.  I have not dated anyone else.  He is still the only one I want.

Without a doubt God separated us so we could become better people.  I know deep within my heart that we will reunite in God's timing.

He and I both had childhood trauma to heal.  We both had gone through some very difficult things in our childhood.  He is the one God sent for me.  I am the one God sent for him.  We are a perfect match.  We just had unresolved pain inside ourselves.  I was unable to move on to another man, another relationship.  He tried his best to forget me through one relationship after another.  It never worked out.  He has been unable to truly move on either.  We both are painfully aware of how much we love one another.

He has gone through a divorce since I've seen him.  He had been married 30 years and  many of those years were so unhappy.  When we were still together, I would tell him to please do something to make himself happy.  People are not meant to stay in an unhappy marriage.  I truly believe that.

Today I know more about why people are in unhappy situations.

Relationships are God's way of teaching us by learning and growing.  As I have grown in my spirituality, I have learned that we ourselves choose what we will learn in an incarnation.  Yes, we live many lifetimes.  And also whatever is not learned in one lifetime, you are destined to repeat within the next until you have mastered it.

Now I understand why I always felt off when in a formal church service.  There will be alot of you who do not understand my words or agree with me but I promise you with time, probably within this next year,  you will.

We have all been brought up in a certain way for hundreds if not thousands of years believing in lies; some half truths and alot of total lies; so much truth hidden from us.