"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 45

Being still in solitude is not easy, but necessary, as God prepares you for the next chapter of your life.  It is in the stillness that He speaks the loudest.  He is preparing you for what is to come.  All the less than perfect decisions you have made, well, you revisit them.  It is an inner healing process for your greater good.  He assures my heart that this is not a punishment,  but His healing preparation for my soul's purpose.  My life will look  different within a matter of just a few months.  In this quiet stillness, my faith is being tested.  As I look back to how I used to be and the bad decisions I have made in the past, I feel it is time to come clean on my most difficult admission of guilt.

Money issues will cause you to do unthinkable things; things that you would NEVER do under normal circumstances.

My father had left my mother a nest egg that would insure she would be cared for when she needed it.  Me, coming out of a divorce, it was an easy fix to use the quick loan system as a way to survive my day to day.  Upon doing that over a period of time, I had once again backed myself into a corner financially.  Living in the house with my mother and taking care of her, she had gotten to the point of needing help paying her bills, so I had control of her finances. I saw a way out of my money issues and made a terrible decision that haunts me to this day.  I had no way of paying off the debt I had stacked up and decided none would be the wiser; how could that money ever be missed. 😔  On my estimation, I used probably ten thousand dollars of my mother's money to pay off my debt, maybe a little more. Why, I felt justified in doing it, I just do not know.   It was a quick decision to help me breathe, releasing me from the stress I found myself under.

My sister became aware of what had happened and approached me about it.  I was so embarrassed.  What person in their right mind would do such a thing. She had access to the bank statements as well as myself and of course when that kind of money disappears... 

A large part of healing is being able to speak your truth about things you've done in your life.

I have learned to speak my truth and it is for certain, the truth will set you free.