"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 109

Living your life as a people- pleaser while seeming selfless, is very detrimental.  It affects your well being as well as your relationships.  It often leads to chronic stress and low self-esteem.  Setting healthy boundaries with others, well when you bend over backwards to please friends and family,  it is almost nonexistent.  While you might feel popularity, the long term consequences far outweigh the benefits.  When you have an excessive desire to please  others, you do it at the expense of your own needs.  Behaviors such as difficulty in saying no, 

apologizing excessively, taking on too much and avoiding conflict at all costs, most certainly point to you being a people-pleaser.  When you prioritize someone else's needs above your own, you are leading yourself to feelings of resentment and anxiety; and inevitably, low self-esteem.

This will most definitely result in you lowering your own self-care.

You have to make sure you prioritize you, then you can take care of someone else better, and with a better understanding.  Never allow someone else to decide how your life should go.  You are ultimately responsible for what you allow.  You deserve and are worthy of a happy life.  

Its not completely evident to the one pleasing others, but you are actually giving the other person control over you.  You do not really want that.  In an attempt to feel safe, accepted or loved, you try your best to pacify others because you are afraid of what will happen if you don't.

Break free of this way of thinking.  This is a learned behavior.  You are not born a people-pleaser.  Parents should provide children with unconditional love as they grow and develop.  Without a parent making it clear to a child that they are loved no matter what they do, a child will grow up believing love is dependent on what they do.   Be clear that you want to hear their needs.  Their opinion matters; their voice matters.  Take time to ask your child what they think and feel.  That way you are teaching them to look within themselves and not search for validation in what other's opinions are, such as well, if I do this and this, then they will love me.

Unconditional love, always...

Love and Healing Light,

💞🕊