"OUT OF THE DARKNESS" POST 61

Have you ever found it hard to let go of a grudge you are holding on to?  Sometimes in life, we have times that our anger in certain situations just refuses to let go.  I am sure we have all been there.  There was a time when anything that upset me terribly, would cause me to dig my heels in and hold a grudge for a very long time.  There were times when I held a grudge so long I actually forgot why I was holding the grudge in the first place.

I still have things that make me upset from time to time, but I no longer am judgemental of someone's actions for very long.

We are all on the same journey called life.  I am certain I have done things that another was upset at me about.  Being judgemental is terribly overrated in my opinion.   When you see an action or behavior of a person, do not criticize the motives of the person, but focus strictly on the action itself.  Avoid judgements based on personal opinions or standards. Being nonjudgemental  means being open-minded, tolerant and receptive.  Improve your emotional regulation and enhance your interpersonal relationships.  Don't be judgy, in that you do not express bad opinions of another's behavior. Being judgy, alot of times, is because you have the opinion that you are better than the other person.  You have no right to judge people because of the way they look or what they believe.  Matthew 7:1 says, Judge not, that you be not judged.  Consider your own faults before judging someone elses.  You will be judged by the same standards you use in judging others.  Jesus warns us that judging others will lead to your own judgement and condemnation.  A good friend is always nonjudgemental; never  tending to judge other people harshly or unfairly.  While it is impossible to keep judgements from arising, it is about changing your relationship to your judgements.  Know that they are temporary thoughts.  Don't let them take over just because they arise in your mind.  We are trying to build a culture where being judgemental is diminished; where kindness and understanding grow.  Think of how it would be having a career as a judge.  This is one of the most highly esteemed professions out there.  It requires careful listening, deep reflection and wisdom in order to determine penalties to be imposed for specific actions.  Distinguishing between judging actions and judging people must be done.  Judges have to bring objectivity and clarity of thought, not judginess as they weigh their decisions carefully.  There is nothing wrong with the judging of actions, however, you must separate actions from the people that perpetrate them.  What do you really know about the person you are judging?  We all have baggage and a past.  Every one of us live with our levels of reaction, hurt, denial, anger and hypocracy.  We are all imperfect.  You can consciously choose to cut someone some slack even though striving to influence changed behaviors you believe are worthy of judgement.  Reflect on how it feels to be judged yourself.  Surely you have felt the sting of someone else's judgement.  It did not feel so good.  Ask yourself if you really want to add to someone's pain.  Unless the person has wronged you personally, chances are you don't.  Let your reflection temper the judgement.